Trump’s New Lawyers Represent Him Well, Says Late Night


“He wanted his lawyers to make the case that he won the election and they quit, so this should be fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Yep, Trump and his lawyers disagreed on strategy. Apparently Trump got upset when they wanted to have one.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Aha, the brilliant legal strategy of pointing out to the jury how motivated you were to commit the crime.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“At this rate, Trump’s going to be the first president to show up to his impeachment trial with a public defender.” — SETH MEYERS

“Trump suddenly found himself without any legal representation, which is still a huge improvement over being represented by Rudy Giuliani.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Trump was furious — not that they quit, that he couldn’t fire them on Twitter.” — JIMMY FALLON

“A source close to the ex-president described it as a ‘mutual decision.’ Oh, totally mutual! ‘No, Carol did not divorce me — we divorced me. We also agreed that the lawn was the perfect place for all my shirts.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

But Trump didn’t go without for long. On Sunday, Colbert said, “the former president cruised some dark alleys of the legal world and scooped up two new lawyers,” Bruce Castor and David Schoen.

“Now these guys have a lot in common. When he was a Pennsylvania D.A. in 2005, Castor declined to prosecute Bill Cosby as part of a ‘secret agreement,’ although it is possible Castor did not know, and Cosby just dropped the secret agreement into his drink.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Meanwhile, days before Jeffrey Epstein died, Schoen actually met with the accused child sex trafficker about ‘joining his defense.’ My God, who on earth would hire Jeffrey Epstein’s defense lawyer? Oh, Jeffrey Epstein’s wingman? Yeah, that makes sense.” — STEPHEN COLBERT


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