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After Careful Consideration
During an interview on NPR’s “All Things Considered” last Friday, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo refused to answer the co-host Mary Louise Kelly’s questions about Ukraine. Kelly reported that once they were off the air, Pompeo accused her of blindsiding him, swore at her and asked her to point out Ukraine on a map.
“First off, why does Mike Pompeo just have unmarked maps at the ready? Is he the secretary of state or an eighth-grade social studies teacher?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And hey, you don’t think Americans care about Ukraine? You were on NPR — if there’s any place where people pay attention to world events, that’s it. People who can put up with the intricacies of jazz fusion can certainly handle basic geography.” — SETH MEYERS
“The book won’t be officially released until March 17, which, of course, is St. Patrick’s Day. So this year, when I’m drunk and throwing up, it won’t be because I’m Irish.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Bolton claims the leaks have nothing to do with boosting the sales of his book, but people are suspicious, especially considering the quotes leaked the same day the Amazon product page for the book went live. Oh, how cash-venient. Now we know how to get Trump’s people to tell the truth: give them a product to promote. Mick Mulvaney, come on my show, and I will play a clip from your new Disney movie, ‘Frozen Military Aid.’ [Imitating Trump to the tune of ‘Let It Go’] Quid pro quo, quid pro quo. Crimes never bothered me anyway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Fallon as Donald Trump made a cold call to Michael Bloomberg.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Steve Martin will pay a visit to “The Late Show,” promoting his new tour with Martin Short.
Also, Check This Out
In her new book, “Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond,” Lydia Denworth uses the animal kingdom to illustrate the importance of nonromantic relationships to all living beings.
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